midsweek

i am still looking for a roommate.
right now i am calling friends from highschool but all seem to have a room already.
i am too late. and all because my best friend decides not to move in.
right out of the blue. i mean thats pretty rare. these thoughts that
maybe she will get worse in school or that she won't have enough time for practising the
piano; all these thoughts come now. ??? two weeks before we could live our dream.
i don't believe that. she must have thought about these things or at least must have noticed,
that maybe it is too early for her to move out.
and i am lost...
still looking for a roommate and working at the same time.
ok i am making money and i am not wasting....
i mean who goes twice abroad in one vacation when you know you want to move at the end of summer? who does that?
moving costs money. everybody knows that!

i am pretty pissed right now.
because i don't know what to do. i don't want to take a roommate just because i need the money.
the apartment has only two rooms, so if something doesn't work out...

and all just because of her.
i am not mad at her because she dumbed me; i am mad at her because she dumbed me two weeks
before we wanted to move...
there is not a lot of time left.
most of the students already have their rooms...
she had never thought of that...

she doesn't think about how i feel or what her decision meant to me and all the results that come from that.
but she doesn't see them, she doesn't get to know what it means to have no time to
think about things and to wait until things work out.
there is no time!!!

but all in all it will help me to grow up. there are always experiences to make. and not always nice ones.

but something positive in the end: two letters came today from my last university.
now there is one still to come and it can go on to the next step!!!

go to bed now. tired. as always.